What is living?

You definitely have no idea of ​​how difficult can be to "be somebody" (especially here). We have been through so much , so many years and it is getting worse every. I'd like to keep hope as the others and say "everything is going to be allright" but that's not gonna happen, at least not soon . We live in the eye of a hurricane and to exit you need money and luck ... and I don't have any of them.

If you've read me before you may know what my dreams are, my goals... and to reach my goals here is impossible, especially since 2014 started.

Everytime I think I can leave and, even if I have to forget my dreams, live... everything just get worse. I was an indecisive person, actually I still am a indecisive person and I change my mind almost all the time, it took me a few years but I finally realized what I really wanted to do with my life... sadly I noticed it in this era of chaos we're having in my country.

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all" - Oscar Wilde.

I realized all this time I've been only existing, I dont know what is to live and even though I try I feel like I'm never gonna accomplish that, sometimes I lose the hope of being "someone" someday, but others I feel like I want to fly, find my way, start my journey. But how can I start? How can I accomplish anything with this situation? Sometimes I'm scared of going out, sometimes I feel anxiety and panic attacks, do you think this is living? I don't.

Live in a country where you can have blackout for HOURS, where you can be kidnaped in your own door, where you can be killed on the highway because you have to change the Tyre, where if you don't have anything they want (the thiefs) they just stab you and let you dying in the floor... do you think this is living? I have way too many things in my head right now, I can't even put in order my thoughts.. I just want to live... and this is not the way I want to do it.

xoxo,

Sora.